[Sometimes I'm a cocktail server at an upscale bar. And from this line of work I have countless stories of how strange, weird, wonderful, funny, rude and annoying people can be. Especially when they're dealing with waitstaff, or "the help." I didn't plan on this post being all negative things because there are some awesome people that I deal with at work and I should take more time to write about and acknowledge how great they are. So maybe next time I'll do that. Maybe. I did go back after writing this post and put the word please in front of each of the three "don'ts" just because it seemed nicer. So that's something positive, I suppose.]

From someone in the service industry to those not.

Please don’t say things like “make it good” or “I want it to taste good” Its not like I purposely plan on making your cocktails taste like crap and then as soon as you ask me to “make it good” I change my mind and make it taste wonderful. And I don’t cook your food so if you don’t like it, I will gladly take it back to the kitchen but I have nothing to do with how it tastes. We take pride in the food and drinks that are made, its our art, and we don’t do anything differently because you tell us to “make it good.”

Please don’t come into an upscale bar and tell me you’re in a hurry and need to get your food fast and then order a chicken sandwich or a steak. This isn’t a fast food place. The food here is going to take longer than McDonalds because everything is made to order. If you’re in a hurry order soup or maybe a salad, something that doesn’t have to be cooked. And for future reference, if you’re nice about it instead of informing me that you’re in a hurry and ordering me to get your food fast, I will do everything in my power to get you what you need. I am a server for a living, to pay my bills, not because I want to be your servant. If your’e nice to me I’ll probably even RUN around the kitchen, inform the cooks the of the situation, help them hurry your food along, and tell you to have a nice day when you leave. If you’re nice.

Please don’t try and tell me your food took 20 minutes when it really only took 10.I have a computer that tells me the exact minute your food was ordered. I know you’re exaggerating. And I understand you’re unhappy about something. Maybe you had a bad day, got in a fight with your husband, your dog died, you lost your job, your purse was stolen, your boss hates you. I get it. I have bad days too, sometimes people even talk to me like I’m a child and treat me really crappy at work. If you want to vent, tell me how bad your day/week/month/life is, I will gladly listen for as long as you need. If your food really did take an excessive amount of time, chances are really high that I will apologize before you even have time to complain. I’ll give you a discount if its really excessive. But if you’re just complaining because you want free food. Its probably not going to work anyway. I’ve seen that trick a hundred times and its just annoying.

coming soon…

credit cards, large parties, split checks, blended drinks, special orders, tipping, children and drunk friends. oh and maybe something positive.

Last night I was tired from a long day of bird watching. We actually hiked around quite a bit and saw a good number of bird varities (easily identified in the handy Field Guide to Birds Western Region that I purchased prior to the hike). I especially liked the American Kestrel and Peregrine Falcon that were out in the back field learning to fly from trainer to trainer. Both were rescued (with half a wing and only one foot, respectively) and were absolutely amazing birds. It was a Wednesday afternoon with very few visitors to the Audubon and we spent quite some time talking with the trainers and observing the falcons.

Anyway, I came home and planned on zoning out in front of the TV for a while when I came across proof that TV has hit a low. Enter Celebrity Circus. I watched for about five minutes. Which says something because I actually LIKE bad reality TV. I’ve always been a sucker for Survivor, and there have been several seaons in the past in which I seen every episode of Big Brother. I’m not home in the evenings very often because of my job and can’t keep up with series TV. I think thats why I like reality TV,  you can miss weeks on end and know EXACTLY whats going on, because its always the same. Anyway, even I have a limit. And Celebrity Circus is waaaay past that limit.

I’m really bad at updating. And to be honest I’ve thought about deleting this thing about a hundred times but I the few minutes I do spend online I’m usually checking my e-mail, trying to keep up with all the blogs I follow, and banking. I just don’t have time. But its all really an excuse because yesterday I spent two hours watching reruns of Ace of Cakes when I could have just as easily been updating this site.

Anyway, today we’re going to hike around the Audobon and it makes me wish I knew a thing or two about birds. The only one I can really identify is the woodpecker (for obvious reasons) and maybe the spotted owl because there used to be two living in our barns and it was a big deal for about two weeks while all these people came over and told my grandfather he couldnt use the barn anymore, at least while the owls were nesting there. I remember my parents STERNLY warning us to stay away from that barn with our pellet guns and bow and arrows. Although, my brother and I both knew the look in my fathers eye and the flick in his voice meant something else. Being a farmer and having someone tell you that you cant use your barn because there is an owl nesting in the rafters is quite an issue. I don’t know whatever happened to those owls but I’m certain my brother and I never shot at them because we were in the middle of a two week fishing competition and never of us wanted to lose. There were trout to be caught.

So yeah. I guess we’re headed out to look at birds.

I met the former President of the United States, Bill Clinton. His hair is REALLY white. So are his teeth.

So I went on vacation last week. T and I went camping and hiking in the redwoods. We visited my dad and spent a few hours on the lake with our fishing poles in the water. It was super and I could certainly tell you about the crazy lady who kicked us out of our campsite or the sound of the waves crashing on the beach just 100 yards from our tent. I could talk about a lot of fun adventures that we had while staying in Whiskeytown.

However, the most memoriable thing about the trip for me was the drive home. T and I decided to take the last day and drive up the 101, eat lunch somewhere along the way and stop to walk on the beach here and there. I drank some orange juice and we were on our way.

It was only about an hour later when I realized something was wrong. Something was really wrong. For the rest of the ride home T and I played a game to see how many miles we could make it before he had to pull over so I could throw up. Yes, the orange juice was bad. And I spent the next five hours dry heaving on the side of the highway. It was bad.

I don’t think I’ll be able to drink orange juice for at least six months. And I LOVE orange juice.